Day 3 ‘The badge is still on’

Feeling a tad anxious today, I can feel myself bubbling up inside as the public’s eyes are continually pressed up on the badge. I guess that’s why it is there though; I wanted people to notice it. Maybe it’s just my bad mood that is affecting my outlook in the experiment today. I need to chill. After all it is a totally random thing to see somebody wearing.

I popped into in to a lush cafe in York to get a latte. The girl behind the counter saw the badge and wished me ‘Happy Birthday’ (awkward)!! She then read the badge and apologised, bless her she was only being friendly. I couldn't help but laugh which put her at ease again. Unexpectedly this sparked a conversation about her brother who also struggles with a stammer. She explained how helpless she feels when she can see his is stuck or frustrated with his speech. It was such a great opportunity for me to discuss the reason behind the badge and also the group therapy I attended. By this time, the other waitresses were gathered around and an old couple on a small table beside us had also been engrossed in the conversation.

Whilst sat in the Minster gardens enjoying the sunshine and my latte I couldn't help but notice a group of tourists having a picnic. There was one guy who stood out to me, he was hosting the conversations, he looked so confident. Speaking fluently and just saying what he has on his mind at that direct moment no hesitations, no block or tension and definitely no stammers. I can’t help but envy him, his fluent voice that is. 

  

Anyway what is the point on dwelling on what you don’t have, this is me and I need to get over it. Yes I s s s s stammer but does that really define who I am, I think not. There’s so much more to me than a speech impediment. I guess this badge is opening up feelings and thoughts I didn't even know existed.